What can make me feel this way?

My girls.  A lot of my time is dedicated to Abi and Eli, be it school or "extracurriculars" (Even as I am writing this Eli is giving me a Ballet demonstration)  and I haven't really written much about them yet.  The remedy for that follows:

Today it rained for the first time in six months.  We didn't let that stop us from our ritual of reading outside.  We do school for 4-5 hours every day and it is refreshing, after sitting so long in one attitude (as Caroline Bingley would say) to read our chapterbooks outside.  This week we are reading "A Door in the Wall."

This is Abi, Doll, Eli and Bear, respectively. 

Abi and I discovered some success in practicing her Flashcards!  Thank you to every prayer warrior advancing on that front.  For the last week and a half she has actually requested to play this game, and it is really good memorization practice.  We combine a history lesson (which I love) of the Civil War with the card game "War" played with flashcards.  Abi always elects to be Lincoln and the Union, while I am Davis and the Confederacy.  Our "soldiers" are the flashcards.  For each battle Abi tells me the answer to the two problems and the winner gets both soldiers.  If she gets the answer wrong the soldiers go to the boneyard to be resurrected later.  About 15 years late I am getting really good at multiplication facts.

Yesterday Eli and I spent a lot of time together, Abi was pretty tired so she listened to Little Women in her room.  [Prayer request insert:  when Abi is tired her passionate emotional self is unfettered, which makes for high highs and low lows...which generally come out during school, where she has but one outlet:  me.  She tends to get pretty personal with her lashes, and no, I should not let my feelings be hurt by an 8 year old]  Anyway, after I read about 30 children's books and sang every song in my repertoire [Julie Callow prepared me for these 3 months in a way she never could have imagined.  The girls and I have passed many a long road trip via the entertainment of the Erin Juke Box] Eli climbed up on my lap and requested she tell ME the Wide Mouth Frog story.  It was so delightful, then we recorded it.  Only watch this video if you feel like smiling. 

The FAR from exhaustive list of things I am learning from Abi and Eli:

-math facts
-how to maintain a character voice as I read aloud
-patience (as though I will EVER be done learning that lesson)
...connected to that...
-the effect my tone of voice has...and how important it is.
-US geography songs
-how to say "no"
-how to make simple fun
-discipline....how to live under it myself and how to administer it lovingly
-what homeschool looks like on a practical level
-that kids can be trusted with responsibilities that help around the house, even adorably active 5 year olds

Oh Happy Day!

When I thought about coming to Argentina, one of my goals was to act as a co-interpreter for a Gospel Choir director from NY teaching an all-day seminar to a group of 50+ Argentinians.  For sure.

The combination of my love of gospel music and speaking Spanish...in a microphone...in front of people, made that an obvious goal.  Never mind the fact that it is a pretty common aspiration.  Lets be honest, who hasn't desired that at one moment or another?

Oh, and of course sing "Misty" in front of a group of people who are there because they have amazing voices.

DESPITE all of the sarcasm you may or may not find above, the title of this post really is true.  Oh.  Happy.  Day.  I spent the whole day with Adriana, one of Bethany's best friends.  I met a ton of new people.  I spoke Spanish, I spoke English, I was needed.  I was WAY below my standard of what an interpreter should be, but I helped facilitate communication, and that I loved.  It was a great experience to have from the perspective of seeing how an interpreter functions.  I'd never done anything like that before.  Please do not get in your heads an image of me flawlessly translating for the choir director!  Adriana did most of the work, I helped when needed.  I was paid for this paltry work in delicious sweet and a restaurant experience that might be one of the fanciest I have been to.  I got to sing with them, and it was so fun, belting out at the top of your lungs, and still not being heard, because everyone around you is doing the same.  I had some fun conversations with people afterwards as well.  It was just a fun day, even though there were admittedly awkward or uncomfortable moments.

After the long day was over, Adriana and I drove back from Villallende (which sounds beautiful in Castellano by the way) and stayed at her house until Bethany and Roman and the girls came back from the Fiesta de la Luz (a Halloween alternative for children at the church)  That was wonderful.  Adriana, her daughter Camilla and her son Agustin and his girlfriend Gisella and I all sat around the table and talked and laughed.  They all wanted to hear American accents, and then British accents etc.  It was fun.  So fun.  I felt so safe trying to speak in Spanish with them.  I think that is what I need in order to practice more, to feel safe.

So yes, I had a great day.  And all week I was dragging my feet about doing this.  Go figure.

Here mommy, I tried...I really tried.  I gave my camera to Adriana to take a picture of Markanthony (the choir director) and I....and this is what happened.  But as they sing "give of your best to the master..."

I've never been to Boston in the Fall

This post is not exactly about Argentina, per say, but it has come as a product of my being here and going to Bible studies and talking with mom, so I think it falls with the legal limits of blogdom.

 The topics of God's sovereignty, human free will and God's will have come up several times.

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”--C.S. Lewis

This quote has just hit the nail on the head for me.  Why is it that I say with a resigned sigh "God is sovereign."  What my tone and heart expression say is "Well, something not fun happened.  Must be because God is in control.  He's not going to give me what I want, but I guess since He's God and everything that is the best way for it to be."  Hello!?  Seriously.  There is a God that is crazy about me.  The only One who knows me, really knows me, and believe it or not is still crazy about me.  And He is the one with all of the power in the whole universe.  He is sovereign.  If my earthly father had all the money in the world and could change anything he wanted with a snap of his fingers I would think I had it made.  Because I wouldn't doubt for a second that he would use that power always and only in my best interest.  So what's the problem?  This:  I don't really deeeeep down act like I believe that about my Heavenly Father.  That's what.

So, human will, God's will.  Here's the thing.  I often see it like:

Human will= fun and freedom

God's will=wet blanket

therefore:

human will > God's will

 Again, false.

Mom was talking to me yesterday about how its easy to think of God as mean.  Ouch.  When He sent Adam and Eve out of the Garden and blocked it with an angel with a sword it is easy to feel like He is a big bully.  False.  Adam and Eve sinned, I sinned, and God had to destroy something He created to cover them.  He put the angel there so that they didn't have to spend eternity apart from Him.  They, we, broke His heart, and He was already planning a way to win us back.

Pretty much what we can garner from this is that my thinking is super twisted.  I want to excavate my heart, replace it with a child like trust in my Abba.  He is so good. He is so kind.

I feel like Larry of the Pirates who don't do anything.  I can hear Pa Grape berating me in my head:  "What are you talking about?  We're supposed to sing about Arentiney things!"  So, here you go.  Just to make it a liiiitle more Argentiney, have a couple of pictures :)

Abi and Eli wrote this for me when I first got here.  Its a Spanish dictionary.

This is the view from where I sit.  

!Si, Si! Em Tea

Too many blogs I have read start at least 40% of their posts with a line something to the tune of "I'm sorry its been so long since my last post...."  I want to avoid that...but I feel compelled to offer some kind of explanation, or at least indicate that I do realize it has been a while.

On Saturday we went to CCMT. I cannot for the life of me remember the acronym in Spanish, but it was conveniently named by North American missionaries to work well in both languages.  So, CCMT...Cross Cultural Missionary Training.  CCMT is where the work team from PVC..another acronym...Pleasant View Church...spent much of their time working. The training program is 4 months of communal living that has very rigorous and specific structure and classes, followed by 4 months of immersion living in a foreign country.  Right now the students are out doing their immersion, so we went to visit the staff only.

This is going to be two large classrooms.  And now, it is time for a humorous anecdote.  When we arrived Bethany and Roman walked off to talk to a couple of people.  About that time the workmen (a team from Washington state) came over to take a small break.  They walked up towards me a little hesitantly with small waves and "hola"s.  One older gentleman finally came all the way over to me and asked hesitantly "Do you speak English?"  I was shocked enough that I just nodded.  He then proceeded to explain in very clear, slow English, with a lot of pointing, the project they were working on.  What would you have done then?  I could have played it up, put on a fake Argentine accent and impressed them with my English...but I just laughed and said "I'm from Ohio!"  A few others came over to work, looking hesitant.  The older gentleman explained "its ok!  She speaks English!"


I had a thought, while sitting and conversing with Sergio and Ana (two names that will seem very familiar to the PVC team)  (Uncle Brian, Sergio remembered you specifically and said to give you greetings).  While we were sitting there and talking to them, after eating a delicious asado, a thought occurred to me.  I am going to try and explain it now:

I think I've put too much pressure on Spanish, or at least blamed it too much for those moments when I feel lost or lose interest.  Ana and Sergio were talking about a lot of people that I didn't know, I had not background information at all.  (Since I have just entered in on Roman and Bethany's life this happens a lot)  So for a couple of hours I really struggled to pay focused attention.  Then, Ana started talking about linguistic work she was participating in regarding Qechua.  At this, I became very interested, and I had context and framework to be able to completely follow the conversation.  Doesn't this happen in English to me too?  Sure does.  So, it boils down to this:

If God has Spanish, or a Spanish culture in my future, it will not feel like it does here.  I will have relationships, and eventually history, with the people in my life.  Spanish will become a means to an end that I am very motivated to reach.  That probably doesn't sound as "phew, what a comfort!" as it feels to me, but I tried.

Tonight we are going back to CCMT to have dinner with Don and Glenda Moon.  Bethany lived with them when she first came to Argentina, and she homeschooled their girls...hmmmm....sound familiar?

Really? Pray tell.

Tonight at the Reunion de Jovenes we studied "How Do We Pray".  They opened up with the question,

What does prayer look like in your life?

I have had a long fight with this question.  Which might seem silly, because it is a pretty basic fundamental of being a Christian right?  We pray all the time.  Just tonight we prayed when we first came together, when split into small groups, when we were done with small group and then again when we came back together in big group, and then again when we left big group.  Phew. 

I can quote the Lord's prayer, verses in James and other Books about praying and of course the infamous verse in 2 Thess. "Pray continuously."   But I start getting tripped up...how does prayer coincide with the will of God?  Does what I pray "change His mind"?  Is it supposed to be a dialogue?  How am I supposed to stay focused when I try and silently listen.?  Jesus was our example in everything, but I've always looked at His prayers and thought "but He is God...of course He is good at praying.  I bet His mind never strayed."  

I get to hung up on doing it "right" or searching for a specific outcome, not specifically in answer to my prayer, but some kind of feeling inside of myself to know that I've "really prayed" or "really communed" with Him.  I want prayer to make me feel close to Him.

Someone said something tonight that helped.  I can't quote them directly without messing it up, but the point that I came away with was:  the heart of God is to have a relationship with us.  The more we know a person, the better we are at talking with them.  So, get to know God, its what He wants most.  

I don't have to be afraid or "figure prayer out."  He is gracious and compassionate and pleased by the desire to please Him.  

Teacher, leave those kids alone

No, I am not a Pink Floyd fan.  

Now, the math book here is really heavy on mental math.  It is a 'hard now, easy later' principle, that I really agree with.  Unfortunately, I am here now not later.  Also unfortunate is the fact that Abi hates math.  Even more unfortunate is that I am not Ami, I am Erin, and I did not choose to major in middle school math education....for a reason.  

On good days it is exciting and I feel like we are a great team that has accomplished something wonderful together.  On bad days I struggle to keep my patience with a very passionate and dramatic girl (who I love and appreciate for those very qualities!)  

Today before our lesson we prayed together (you might ask why it took so long for that to occur to me).  The day went very well.  I am under no assumptions that every day from here on out will go so well.  So if you would, please pray for Abi and I:

• That I would be patient and see her as Abba's child, who I need to love and respect and not power trip into doing what I want
• That I would be able to communicate clearly and effectively these confusing topics
• That Abi would have a good attitude and a learner's spirit
• That when Abi does fall into one of her fits that I would have wisdom in knowing how best to handle the situation

  

Alta Gracia

Well, it looks like I am going to make up for the lack of pictures by giving you WAY too many pictures in this post.  Is there a middle ground?  "If there is another way to blog, I do not know it" (almost a quote from a Knight's Tale)

On Thursday Bethany, the girls and I went to Alta Gracia, to the Jesuit "Estancia" um translation...fortlike thingy?  It was a beautiful day, and I love history...and I'm rather fond of these people too ;)  Winner. 

 These are roof tiles.  They are that size because they were made by slaves, who molded them using their thighs.  I will probably say something similar to this later, just because I can't help geeking over it and trying to wrap my head around it....that tile was on someone's leg...300 years ago.  A real person.  Someone was alive then.  I think I have a pretty small mind, because I can't actually imagine that.

Here is a picture of a hallway, and a crooked picture of a window in someone's room.  It overlooks the back courtyard, which I didn't exactly include any pictures of...maybe I will go back and do that at the end.

This wood is over 300 years old, and has been walked on for just that long.  It was so smooth and soft, you wouldn't even believe it.  Here it is again, I warned you:  People actually walked on this!  Real Jesuits who had things on their mind, places to go, reasons to be walking up that step...reasons that were so different than my reason for walking on that very same place.  300 years.  He loves us all, not just all of us today, but all of us then...and even before then...isn't that crazy?!

This is Eli in what is pretty much her natural habitat....a lap :)

 The picture on the right is a classic example of "the picture doesn't do it justice."  I am a sucker for long hallways with archways and sweet breezes.  I wish you could feel what this picture felt like in real life.

I have no idea what kind of tree this is, but I think it is really pretty.  Alta Gracia as a town is quite lovely.  It almost feels like what I imagine streets in Greece, or Italy to be like (I clearly have never been to Europe...those countries may have nothing in common!  ..but they do in my mind) They were cobblestone, somewhat narrow, lined with trees, (but in a dotted line, not a solid line) and there was a general downward slope towards the center of town.  The cute little houses were almost all white, or a buttercream color with red tiled roofs and wrought iron gates. 

Outside of the Estancia Jesuita there is a lake.  The water level is super low since it hasn't rained in so long, but its still quite pretty.  Stone walls....yep.

Alta Gracia attracts a lot of tourists (I saw 3 back-packer hippies from France) This is a hostel where people like them can stay.  Ritzy.  Far cry from Pangea isn't it mom?

These girls :)  Side note:  I am wearing Abi's sweatshirt.  One day I threw it on because she had left it in the kitchen back here and it was a cold walk to the front house.  "It fit me so nice, she said I could keep it" ...pretty much. (Obviously it fits her a lot bigger than it does me) She thought it was so cool that we could "share clothes" that when it came time to put away the laundry she brought this one to my room. "Here, since its cold and you don't have warm clothes, maybe now you don't always have to borrow Mom's clothes" She asked me if I would wear it on this day.  I like Abigail Caceres.  Although, you can pray for us...math has been...rough.

I can't take for granted the wow factor of what it would be like to build something like this using only the tools available to them in the 1700s.  ...whoa.

And I did it.  I added more pictures.  Here is the back courtyard area.  There is a forge and an outdoor kitchen and a livery.  I don't think the plastic lawn chairs are part of the original layout. 

Along came Romi.....

I will be naming my first child Romi...or at least a very beloved pet in the future.  Seriously, that name is the sweetest dearest most life-saverest name of the night.  This post will be super brief.  I just got back from the Young People's Study, it is 12:17 and I am exhausted.  However, I had to write this.

I was low.  Very low.  Discouraged majorly about "why on earth did I waste my time majoring in this language that I am not as awesome at as all those other people"  (you know, that thing I said I wasn't going to do...beat myself up or compare myself...well...yes)  So anyway.  I was in fight or flight mode of feeling that out of place and wanting to just get. out. of. there.  And then it ended and I saw Romi, and I wanted to just leave, but I made myself go over to talk to her.  Thank you, Lord, that I have matured a little bit.  She made it all better.  She smiled and talked to me, and I felt like a real person.  You start to feel like maybe you don't have a personality, because you speak in such small limited phrases.  But with Romi?  I talk!  I make mistakes!  Tons of mistakes!  But it doesn't matter!  She smiles and laughs and asks questions if I am completely wack and confusing....and she told me directly that she thinks I'm funny....because I was being me, joking and talking the way I would if I actually knew the language.  Man.  So good.  I like her.  Maybe someday I will have a picture to put up on this blog...I have gotten pretty camera shy lately.  Maybe because the first month is over.  I don't know.

God is wonderfully kind in bestowing His gifts.  "My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus"  

Beautiful. Once, twice, three times a lady.

So much has happened since I last wrote, but instead of a summary, I want to write about what has been on my mind the most.  I could write about things but today I am much more motivated to write about the people that those things have put me in contact with.  Specifically three beautiful women that all make me a little sad.  I don't know how motivated you will be to pray for them if you have never met them, but just in case...I want to share this with you.

Thursday:  Lucia, Bethany and I celebrated the anniversary of Lucia's baptism.
Lucia is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.  I told her that last Thursday at the Lady's Bible Study and her eyes welled up, she said she's never believed that about herself.  She is 50 years old and single.  She lived with a man (this is SO common) during her B.C. days, but since being baptized 7 years ago that has stopped.  She is the companionship kind, but she is unwilling to sacrifice her desire for relationship in order to follow the command that we not be unequally yolked.  I am so proud of her for that, and it makes me sad for her.  She lives with her parents and takes care of them; her mom can't even brush her own hair.  She works in the baker that her parents own...which is connected right to her house.  She has to die to self every day and sacrifice living an independent life.  She has beautiful golden brown skin, thick russet blonde hair that swings just above her shoulders and eyes so dark that you can't make out the pupil from the iris, they look as soft as velvet.  And even though there is something aloof about the way she carries herself, she seems genuinely concerned with making sure every person she greets feels...precious; something in the way that she gives the Argentine kiss.  She was one of the first people to remember my name, and when she talks to me I feel genuinely cared about and listened to.  She also happens to be one of those ladies that knows exactly what colors to wear, so that she looks like a well coordinated painting every time you see her.  I don't think it is just the romantic in me that is praying that she will find a godly Christian man who will see beautiful Lucia, inside and out.

Monday:  today Mari came over again and taught us more sign language!
Mari has an infectious smile.  It is one of the most rewarding feelings when she shines the light of her smile upon you in approval.  Her eyes crinkle so tight that they almost disappear, except for the thick dark curve of her eyelashes.  She has dark olive skin and silver hair that escapes her ponytail in little wisps of energy around her face.  Her hands are beautiful.  I love to watch her speak.  She has a habit of pushing up her cat eyed glasses in a way that is for some reason very becoming.  Her face is so expressive and when she laughs every inch of her grandmotherly 4'11'' frame laughs with her.  I wish she knew Jesus.  Please pray that she will meet Him.

Sunday:  We spent all day in Las Bajadas.  Leti and I had a couple of hours alone.
Leti looks exactly the way I always imagined Carmen (the protagonist from the opera of the same name) would , or Bess the Landlord's daughter from the Highway Man.  Her hair is perfect for the part, is spills past her shoulders in a riot of jet black ringlets.  It is such beautiful hair.  When we (Leti, the children and I) went on a walk (out into the campo...wow, was that a magical seeming place) she shoved a baseball cap down on it.  Let me tell you, that cap was pushed to its limits.  She has huge dark eyes, thick lashes and full brows.  She laughs a lot and compliments people generously.  On our walk she did such a wonderful job of keeping the conversation going, in fact, she has always made me feel like a person, an intelligent human being that would have feelings and opinions about things despite many moments where all I can do is shrug and smile in confusion.  I think that is what makes her the most beautiful to me.  She is a new Christian and she is trying to raise her children to love Him, but her Juan is not a Christian.  That weighs so heavily on her.         

Well, I have read and re-read this and I can't really make myself take anything out or write anything else...so I suppose that means I am going to press the "Publish" button soon.  I haven't slept much lately, that might be affecting things.  Bear with me.

For lack of a clever title: Wednesday

Mari came over alone yesterday, Eric is sick with pneumonia!  The silver lining to this is that Mari gave us a sign language lesson.  Wow, that was challenging, but so exciting!  She taught us with absolutely no speaking at all.  She used pictures and only hand motions to ask us questions to which we had to respond by pointing, gesturing and moving the pictures around.  I have no idea how to explain that in a way that makes sense!  Perhaps by giving an example...

There was a map of the world, first we learned lots of country names, then she put pictures of a man and a woman from several different nations.  Then she moved them around and...I think...asked us where certain people were, where they were born, what language people spoke, who had to learn a new language, who wanted to go to what country (to be reunited with their spouse)....and all of this with my SUPER limited knowledge of signs.  It was thrilling, but I think I may come home with a permanent wrinkle of concentration from the middle of forehead.

Then I went to the Young People's Bible Study.  I wanted to...but I didn't want to.  It starts so late, and ends even later (which makes sense, there is no time warping going on here, no matter how much it feels like it sometimes!)  However, I did want to go.  Wait!  I missed a small chunk in the middle!  BEFORE I went there....[if you are crunched for time, this next bit may be the part to skip, slightly less pertinent ;) ]

...I went to the mall to mail a letter and to buy lice medicine (just to have on hand to ward of any unwanted attention.  You want to sit here?  Oh sure, let me move my lice medicine for you) and then I tooled around a little.  Again, first time walking alone.  I liked the feeling.  It made me feel more...here.  I don't know how to explain that, but I loved it.  I also liked how it smelled (I was given a little piece of paper with an Armani perfume sample on it...ayaya), the way that the stores are so chic, the creamy, elegant color scheme, all of the people, the 4 levels and the massive glass elevator, and the fact that I didn't have enough money in my pocket to buy even a trinket...so much expensiveness!  I have discovered about myself that I feel more comfortable when I don't feel rich, the way I feel when I am at, Las Bajadas for example.  Maybe I will explain that more later.

Ok, so THEN I went to the youth study.  It was HUGE and I was nervous, but then I saw Romi, the girl from Sunday who had said "see you wed!"  She let me be her own personal barnacle the whole night.  I loved it.  She is quiet and shy, smiles a lot and has crazy curly hair that reminds me of my cousin Rachel.  She is 24 or so and doesn't speak any English.  God was so kind to have her be there for me.  We broke down into small groups and Romi explained everything to me, I would have been so confused.  The study was good and deep and I got up the courage to actually speak!  Of course prefacing it with "Espero que uds. tengan paciencia conmigo...."  (I hope you can be patient with me....) Afterwards I talked with a group of girls and they were very very very uplifting to me.  I think I will keep going back, even though I got home after midnight.  It is good to have a place where I do so much talking, and not just listening.  I get to practice what I hear all week :)

Ah!  I have to run!  It is time for Ladie's Bible Study!  Ciao!

"Up on the roooof...and two sneaky tie-ins"

Today I was asked to clamber onto the roof to get more lemons for yet another delicious lemon dessert.  Mari is coming over tomorrow!  Unfortunately, Eric has pneumonia so he won't be able to come.  Not to see a silver lining in that but...it means that it will be a sign language lesson, and not a translation meeting.  Which means I get to learn more sign language!

Anyway, it was so lovely on the roof (almost 70 degrees today everyone!) that during "quiet time" I decided to go back :)  The sun was warm and the breeze lifted a very fresh lemon scent all around.  So nice.  Much nicer than the scent of vinegar and mayonnaise that is surrounding my head right now...lice.  (sneaky tie in #1)  

I was struggling with my attitude this morning about this whole lice thing.  I feel pretty gross (and Abi and Eli aren't the most...tactful, I felt like a cross between a baboon and a science experiment), and kind of hopeless (didn't I get rid of these things once already?).  However, as mom pointed out, we can let so many little things (thousands of little things, like creepy parasitic bloodsuckers that roam your scalp) hold us up from  

A. serving the Lord and 

B. having an other's centered attitude. 

She also pointed out that I should "be bigger than these lice!"  Obviously I've got that one down on the physical level (although with the amount of sweets I eat it really isn't a fair contest), but spiritually?  How small do I want to be?  Satan is throwing his lice darts at me...I would like to think that it would take something bigger to break me.  But, fact is, even for something as small as lice darts, I can't ward them off on my own.  Thankfully, I have a really big God.  {ok, that whole post was my attempt at levity, but seriously...would you pray for me?}

While I was on the roof I was able to see the "tear down the walls that hold me inside" project from a bird's eye view (if you get that song reference, bueno.) (Also,sneaky tie in #2 alert)  The house I live in was all walled in, they are tearing down the walls to make a large backyard, easy access from one house to the other and eventually room for an Argentine asado.

So here is how it goes...Roman, with a chisel and a hammer.  Hauling the pile of blocks that accumulated as a result to the curb outside will be our contribution to the war effort.   This is one side of the wall.  There is another that is even larger to the left of where Bethany is standing that will also have to go, sometime in the near near future.

And this is the cutest barnacle that you ever did see.

Piojos

:(  I have lice.  Again....or still...I don't know which one.